Stargate jokes

stargate

A Tok'ra and a Jaffa were out playing golf. The Tok'ra was particularly
bad and he kept saying 'Damn! Missed!' every time he missed a hole.
The Jaffa told him in a scared voice, "You must not utter those words
for Apophis will strike you down!"
They continued playing and the Tok'ra missed again and the Jaffa
repeated his warning. 
Afterwards, when the Tok'ra missed again, he repeated his curse.
Suddenly before the Jaffa could say anything, Apophis' ship appeared
and blasted the Jaffa, and a loud voice said: "Damn, missed!"

Q: How many Asgard does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: All Asgard ships are currently unavailable, assisting in the effort to
change the fuse.

Q: How many Aschen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to replace the lightbulb with this fabulous new chandelier
and the other to disconnect the house from the power grid.

Q: How many Jaffa does it take to replace a lightbulb?
A: Knowledge of Goa'uld magic is strictly forbidden.

Q: How many physicists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. McKay to complain about having to change the lightbulb,
Zelenka to say his family didn't have electricity and Sam to yell at
McKay and actually change the lightbulb!

Q: How many SG teams does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six.  One to change the lightbulb and five to rescue the first team!

Reasons not to join the SGC
10. SGC teams are Earth's first (and last) line of defense against all
the aliens SG-1 manages to anger.
9. Enemies will keep returning, even when you are certain of their
death. 
8. Friends, family, and loved ones, will reject you, be made to betray
you, or die horribly. Usually a combination, and not necessarily in that
order. 
7. Members of SG-1 will die repeatedly and just as repeatedly be
brought back to life. All other SG-teams, as well as allies, will just die.  
6. If you are ever about to get the upper hand against an enemy, a
mightier one will appear. 
5. The only ones anyone cares about are SG-1.
4. Superior aliens - like the Asgard or the Tollan, also have superior
egos, and will not share their technology willingly. 
3. Alien technology, ships, and weapons will explode, crash, or infest
you. 
2. Sarcophagi can cure you and even revive you, when whomever
SG-1 angered has killed you - but it will also make you a mad, evil,
power-hungry addict.
1. You will not be assigned to SG-1.