Programmers language reference guide

tech5C – You shoot yourself in the foot

C++ – You shoot yourself in the foot and then accidentally delete the pointer that points to it. Your foot is now in the garbage and there is no way to retrieve it

Java – It looks like your gun but some things are missing and others are in the wrong place. While trying to figure out how to use it you accidentally shoot yourself in the groin

Modula-2 – After realizing that you can’t actually accomplish anything in the language, you shoot yourself in the head

Pascal – Same as Modula-2, except that the bullets are the wrong type and won’t pass through the barrel. The gun explodes

Fortran – You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-processing ability

Algol – You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is aesthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in the emergency room

Cobol – You describe the gun, the foot, and the process of shooting the foot with the gun in great detail. You then shoot yourself in the head

APL – You hear a bang, your foot hurts, but you don’t know enough linear algebra to figure out what happened

Lisp – You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which…

Forth – Foot in yourself shoot

Assembly – You shoot yourself in the foot with a machine gun. You attempt to slow down the fire rate but are unable to understand the program because there are no comments

XBase – Shooting yourself is no problem. If you want to shoot yourself in the foot, you have to use Clipper

Basic – Shoot yourself in the foot with a water-pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged

Visual Basic – You spend days designing the perfect user interface and then shoot yourself in the foot. Everyone is so impressed with the user interface you created they all use your program and shoot themselves in the foot

HTML – <a href=”http://www.body.org/lower-half/leg/foot.html”> Shoot here </a>

SQL – You cut off your foot, send it to the service bureau and when it returns it has a hole in it, but no longer fits the end of your leg

Dbase – You pull the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that by the time it reaches your foot, you’ve forgotten why you shot yourself in the first place

Python – You shoot yourself in every other toe in order to create more whitespace and then show your foot to all your friends while bragging about how much better Python is than every other programming language

Perl – You shoot yourself in the foot 12 different ways